love

love

/ləv/

noun

• 1.an intense feeling of deep affection

… Yeah, I suck at it. So what?

So what, I suck at dating? I suck at dating apps too. I thought they were supposed to make things easier?

Honestly, I feel like tv and movies put unrealistic ideas in our heads. Things that I could never live up too. Standards, I could never live up too.

I don’t even know what to do, or why I’m writing this. I’m really no help to the next person. Even though I am the one that people come to for relationship advice, weirdly enough.

I just want to feel wanted. Is that so bad? But.. I don’t know how to let myself get to that stage, with anyone really. 

But you see all of the successful (and unsuccessful, really) relationships splashed across your Facebook page, your television, hell if you just go out anywhere you’ll see it. 

And I admit, I’m jealous. I get jealous when my friends post about their engagements. I get jealous when I see their marriage photos. I get a little jealous when I see they are expecting. 

It isn’t supposed to be that way. Everything happens for a reason, and everyone has their own timelines for these types of things. But I can’t help but feel like mine is never going to start. 

I just want to find someone who gets that I want to take it slow, not these tinder guys that just want a quick lay. But who am I to judge? How do I even know that is their intention if I never give them a chance?

But how do I stop my brain from thinking the worst from jump? 

Y’all may look at me and be like this girl is crazy, and honestly you aren’t wrong. But I don’t know how to fix it. Can you even fix it? 

I digress. I know, in the end, I just need to take a deep breath and give myself a push. But it’s hard. I need to take my own advice and just put myself out there.

But. It’s. Hard.

… Will it be worth it, though?